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Life has been so boring nowadays. I've practically got nth to do. Well actually have things to do, lots of holiday assignments, lots of catching up to do... But nah totally nt in the mood to do so. N recently all i had been seeing are those quarrelings n shoutings going about in my family. Sometimes its really great to be at home alone, my ears are much more peaceful that way. My mum n sis, who are supposed to be my closest kin, are always at loggerheads... There will always be something happening between them. N both of them did not realised that they resembles each other to a very very large extent. They've gt equally bad tempers, equally stubborn character, always having their own i-am-not-the-one-in-the-wrong mindset. Thus with these characteristics, whenever they started quarreling, it will nv end. N whenever it happens, the one who is supposedly nt involved but being dragged into the picture will be my grandma n my aunt. I really feel very sorry for them. They need nt endure all these crap, the two of them can actually enjoy life if without us. Lesser things to worry abt, lesser bills to pay, lesser burden. N hello, who says when u're unhappy wif ur mum u can shout at ur grandma n juz leave the house as n when u like. N even worse, who says when u're unhappy wif ur daughter u can shout at ur mum, n also juz leave the house. Dun u even noe that the one who had been helping u raising ur kids, tending to their daily needs is ur mum and ur sister!!! If without them i dun think we'll be what we are now. So pls be grateful instead of venting all ur anger and frustrations on them. ROAR!!! What the hell. N what i can do, pretending nt to hear any of these, always in my own world. Dun always say that i dun smile whenever i see u all, i can't find anything for me to smile at. I dunno wat to do wif them, i dun even know how can i start doing that, neither of them will listen. N i'm seriously getting sick of always being between them. As a sister? As a daughter? I'm juz a useless person. Hoping that both of them will become sensible overnight?? haha dream on. N seriously i dun blame my sister. Coz sometimes its really nt her fault. But she had been like these all along, no amt of words will get into her. N i dunno when will she be able to change her character n attitude. If she's willing to take in whatever i say to her, i'm willing to say it over n over again as long as she changes. She's way too deeply affected.

If i can, i really dun wanna get troubled by all these. N yea, i noe i'm supposed to study hard, so that i can provide for them in the future. yup i noe we're really very indebted to my aunt n grandma. But look at me now, i dun even find myself being able to do maths, being able to understand maths. It had been e subject i had been most confident of throughout my education. N wat is going to become of me? Getting demoted back to J1 after sch reopens? I dun even noe what the future holds. I can't even guarantee anything for myself now. Let alone providing for e family? I dun want to disappoint them, but i dunno why i am like that. I'm really lost whenever i'm in the lecture hall listening to the lecturer. I can't help but i seriously dun understand a single shit. Sometimes i think i'm really retarded, i understand things too slowly, such a slow rate that eventually i dun understand anything when everything started coming together.... Even if i managed to cross e hurdles, nt banished back to J1, i might not do well in As. I dun think i'm prepared for J2 now!! Hopefully i'll be able to sit down n do something for myself. My future.



This is life@
7:06 PM
♥Friday, November 16, 2007