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I juz dun feel like myself these few days..... i m UNHAPPY.... UNHAPPY with everyone, with everything.... and i dun even noe why i m like that..... I feel that i m on the bringe of breakdown.... I M NOT HAPPY!!! And i had nowhere to vent out.... My results suk..... MY CHINESE GOT 50/100.... MY CHINESE!!! HOW CAN THAT BE!!!! I M SO FED UP WITH MY CHINESE..... I DUN EVEN NOE WAT HAPPEN.... I ONLI NOE WHEN I BRING MY RESULTS BACK HOME I M SURE TO RECEIVE A VERY VERY VERY LONG-TERM NAGGING FROM MY FAMILY... EVERYONE OF THEM..... THEN THEY WILL SAY I FOCUSED TOO MUCH ON CO, ON COUNCIL..... THEN I CANNOT FOCUS ON MY STUDIES..... I ALREADY NOE HOW TO MEMORISE WAT THEY WILL BE SAYING..... I HATE IT WHEN I CANNOT GET GD RESULTS LIKE MY OTHER CLASSMATES..... I DUNNO WAT'S WRONG WIF MI.... I REALLI DUNNO..... I M SO STRESSED UP RECENTLY.... THOUGH LEADERSHIP SERIES AND TEACHERS' DAY ARE FINALLI OVER..... I DUN WANT TO DROP TO COMBINE SCI.... I DUN WANNA DROP PURE GEO.... BUT THE MORE I WANNA STUDY... THE MORE I WANNA DO WELL.... THE MORE I CAN'T!!! WHY I CANNOT....... WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY...... I REALLI FEEL LIKE CRYING...... JUZ FOR ONCE...... EVEN HIM..... I REALLI DUN UNDERSTAND.... WHY CAN'T HE JUZ BE A NORMAL GUY..... WHY CAN'T HE JUZ TREAT MI BETTER...... I HAD BEEN WANTING TO SAY THIS MATTER FOR A VERY LONG TIME... BUT I BEAR WIF IT... I DINT WANNA SAY..... BUT I CANNOT HOLD IT ALREADY, ITS TOO HEAVY.... ITS TIME TO DEPOSIT MY SENDIMENTS!!!

A few weeks ago..... he told mi that some people in our class were not happy with mi... and they told him that i said their bad things to someone else..... I realli dun understand those ppl.... are they so free and had nth to do....... I DUN EVEN NOE WAT BAD THINGS I HAD SAID ABT THEM.... I REALLI HAD NO IDEA..... EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT HAPPY WIF MI THEY COULD JUZ TELL MI OR TELL OTHER PPL.... BUT WHY TELL HIM??? WHY??? IS THIS SUPPOSE TO BE TIAO BO LI JIAN??? I DUN UNDERSTAND AND I DUNNO..... I REALLI HOPE THAT IF THOSE PPL SEE MY BLOG STOP DOING THIS TO ME..... I tot that i had been treating everyone with the correct attitude that i m supposed to be treating them... i cannot stop those ppl from hating mi or disliking mi...... but i feel hurt..... HE TOLD MI TO WATCH MY MOUTH IN THE FUTURE..... TO BE CAREFUL WHEN I M TALKING.... I TOLD HIM THAT I DUN EVEN NOE WAT I SAID..... THEN HOW CAN I CHANGE??? BUT HE DIE ALSO DUN WANNA TELL MI WHO ARE THOSE PPL WHO TELL HIM THAT I SAID THEIR BAD THINGS...... HE SAID HE PROMISED THOSE PPL NOT TO TELL..... BUT I DUN UNDERSTAND AGAIN.... SOMETIMES I REALLI FEEL LIKE ASKING HIM ARE THOSE PROMISES MORE IMPORTANT??? MY ATTITUDE REALLI GOT PROBLEM MAH??..... I REGARD THOSE PPL IN MY CLASS AS FRIENDS..... I DINT REALLI SAY BAD THINGS ABT THEM.... FOR THIS FEW WEEKS.... I HAD BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO COULD HAVE TOLD HIM... BUT I REALLI HAD NO IDEA..... ALL MY CLASSMATES ARE SO NORMAL TOWARDS MI.... I REALLI CANNOT SENSE WHO HATED MI SO MUCH..... OR MAYBE I M NOT AWARE.... MY AWARENESS IS NOT ENOUF.....

I DUN EVEN DARE TO TELL LAY, MAY, DIA..... I SCARE LATER THEY WILL GO AND BOTHER HIM AND SAY THINGS TO HIM...... THOUGH I NOE THEY ARE CONCERN ABT MI..... AND I REALLI NID THEM...... BUT I JUZ HAD NO TIME TO TELL THEM... I ONLI TOLD THEM I M NOT HAPPY.... BUT I DINT TELL THEM WAT HAPPEN...... I TOLD THEM THAT I HAD NOT MUCH FRIENDS IN MY CLASS..... BUT THEY DUN BELIEVE MI.... SO HOW M I GOING TO BRING MYSELF TO TELL THEM....

BECOZ OF THE JOBS I HAD TO DO IN COUNCIL...... I REALLI HAD NO TIME TO ACCOMPANY THEM AGAIN RECENTLY..... I WANTED TO JOIN THEM IN EVERYTHING THEY DO.... BUT I CANNOT.... WHY EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE AGAINST ME??? WHY??? CAN ANIBODY TELL MI.....

I M STILL RUNNING IN THE RACE..... BUT I FEEL TIRE..... I DUNNO HOW LONG THE RACE WILL LAST.... THOUGH I HOPE WE CAN CONTINUE RUNNING AND NOT STOP.... BUT I CANNOT TELL HIM HOW I FEEL.... HE ONLI NOES TO TELL MI TO INTERACT MORE WITH MY CLASSMATES.... BUT M I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT EVEN IF I DUN FEEL LIKE THAT...... IN MY CLASS..... THE CLASS THAT I USED TO LIKE VERY VERY MUCH.... BUT WHY MUZ THIS HAPPEN???

[I dunno what had happen to me....]
[I dunno what is going on.....]
[I need a shoulder.....]
[I need lay, dia and may]
[I am worried that I will fall.... at anytime, and at anywhere]
[I M ON THE BRINGE OF BREAKDOWN]



This is life@
4:21 PM
♥Thursday, September 01, 2005